Letting Go
I don’t know about you, but I personally found learning to let go to be a huge challenge in my life. I was always tense, a Chinese doctor once described me as being like a statue. I held on for dear life so scared of not being in control. I felt constantly on edge for decades of my life since childhood. My heart would race, my mind would race, my nervous system was in disarray, I was flat and hypervigilant for whatever was coming my way next. In short, my childhood traumas had compounded into adult traumas, I didn’t trust anyone and the weight of the burdens I carried weighed heavily on both my mental and physical health. I had no self compassion, in fact I didn’t like myself.
Being in control was the only thing that kept me afloat and that meant holding everything inside and never letter anyone else in. Then one day I went on a retreat, it was a short 3 day retreat. The words “letting go” kept coming to my mind and, ironically the facilitators had an afternoon session on that very topic. It was getting drilled into me, I didn’t know how to make it happen although I knew it was time and I wanted to learn how to let go.
A couple of months after coming out of that retreat I found myself an Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist who helped me over the coming months to let go. It didn’t happen easily, I was stubborn, but every week there was progress even from the very first session. My protector parts finally had a voice, they were given opportunities to tell me of their pain and grief. I listened and in time they allowed me access to younger parts of myself who were locked away suffering incredible emotional pain. My therapist taught me how to access my self energy and at the right time, I was able to heal my hurting parts with guidance.
The whole therapy experience has been the best thing I have ever done. I had no idea it was possible. In fact, I thought it was my lot in life to carry around the pain and live in survival mode. I don’t live that way anymore; I am free to be myself and my life goal is to help free many other trauma survivors from their pain. Now I know why I studied psychology and counselling for six years at university. I use my skills, my understanding from lived experience and my heart to help others on their healing journeys. It is my humble privilege that people let me into their hearts and trust me to walk and guide them through the pain.
If you are ready for therapy, check out my website at www.lyfetreetherapy.co.au If you are not yet ready for therapy, there are some interim strategies you might like to use to help you:
§ Acknowledge your feelings. It's important to allow yourself to feel your emotions, even if they are painful. Bottling up your feelings will only make it harder to let go
§ Talk to someone you trust. Talking to a friend, family member, or anyone else you trust can help you to process your emotions and start to let go
§ Write down your thoughts and feelings. Writing can be a helpful way to express your emotions and start to let go
§ Practice meditation, it allows you to connect with your inner world and your true self
§ Focus on the positive. It's important to focus on the positive things in your life, even when you're struggling to let go. Focusing on the positive can help you to feel more hopeful and motivated to move forward
§ Give yourself time. Letting go takes time. Don't expect to be able to let go overnight. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal
§ Take care of yourself. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. These activities can help to improve your mood and energy levels
§ Connect with others. Spend time with loved ones who support you and make you feel good. Social connection can be a powerful buffer against stress
§ Do things that make you happy. Make time for activities that you enjoy, such as reading, spending time in nature, listening to music, or singing. Doing things that make you happy can help to improve your mood and outlook
Be patient. Letting go takes time. Be patient with yourself and don't give up. With time and effort, you can overcome the pain of letting go and live a happy and fulfilling life.
