Becoming Assertive
Do you fear speaking up for yourself? Does it take enormous amounts of courage to state your needs clearly? Do you put other people needs before your own? If this sounds like you, you are not alone. Many of us including myself struggle or have struggled to effectively communicate how we feel and what we need. For decades I put others needs in front of my own mainly out of fear of not being allowed to have a voice and not feeling important enough.
Assertiveness is a communication style that allows you to express your needs and wants in a clear and direct way, while respecting the rights of others. Assertive people are able to stand up for themselves without being aggressive or passive.
Benefit of being assertive:
§ Better relationships: Assertive people are more likely to have healthy and satisfying relationships with others. They are able to communicate their needs and wants effectively, and they are more likely to be respected by others.
§ Increased self-esteem: Assertive people tend to have higher self-esteem than people who are passive or aggressive. They feel good about themselves and their abilities, and they are more likely to take action to achieve their goals.
§ Reduced stress: Assertive people are less likely to experience stress than people who are passive or aggressive. They are able to stand up for themselves and their needs, which can help them to feel more in control of their lives.
What you can do to be more assertive:
§ Identify your needs and wants: The first step to being assertive is to identify your needs and wants. What do you want from others? What do you need from others? Once you know what you want and need, you can start to communicate those things to others.
§ Practice saying no: One of the most important aspects of assertiveness is learning to say no. If you're always saying yes to others, you're not giving yourself the opportunity to take care of your own needs. Practice saying no in a polite and respectful way.
§ Be direct and honest: When you're communicating with others, be direct and honest about what you want and need. Don't beat around the bush or try to be indirect. Be clear and concise.
§ Listen to others: When others are communicating with you, listen to them actively. Pay attention to what they're saying, and don't interrupt. Once they're finished, take a moment to think about what they said before you respond.
§ Be willing to compromise: Sometimes, you won't be able to get everything you want. In those cases, be willing to compromise. Find a solution that works for both you and the other person.
Tips on setting boundaries:
§ Be clear about what you want. What do you need from the other person? Are you asking them to stop doing something, or are you asking them to start doing something?
§ Be direct. Don't beat around the bush. Tell the other person what you want in a clear and concise way.
§ Be respectful. Even though you're setting a boundary, it's important to be respectful of the other person's feelings. Remember that they may not understand why you're setting boundaries, and they may react negatively. Try to stay calm and explain your reasons for setting boundaries in a way that is respectful of both of you.
Remember, assertiveness is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. Don't be discouraged if you don't get it right away. Just keep practicing, and you'll eventually get the hang of it.
